if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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