My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
