I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
