the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
