Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
