Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
