i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
