She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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