you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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