Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just gargled with NyQuil
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
