i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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