Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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