I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
