He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
