Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
