there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
