she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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