Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
