There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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