this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Are my feet made of real feet?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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