why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Randomize
