And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
