I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
