You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
