why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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