Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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