Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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