am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
