apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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