I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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