I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
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Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
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Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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