She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
