rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
