then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
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