I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
