even my farts smell like vagina
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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