he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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