Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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