it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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