Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
