took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just want nice things and good sex
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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