Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
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It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
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I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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