you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
