I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
