I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
