Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Pants are for mortals
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
