im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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