The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
