I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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