I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I would ride that face into the sunset
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
