You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize