i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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