I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
