In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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