My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
