Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
