NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
