just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
