forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
