something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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