Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
