I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
