dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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