Small penises have feelings too.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
