it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
