I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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