the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
