Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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